BURGLARY: Coffee break-in | While the movies may make heists out to be glamorous and complicated affairs, in reality sometimes all a criminal mastermind needs is a half-baked story and an opportunity to strike. That was the strategy of one perp, who, at about 7am on Mon., July 4, entered an office building on the 400 block of W. 33rd St. and planted himself in the lobby. “I’m waiting for my friend for coffee,” he announced, throwing the vigilant security guard off his scent with this well-spun yarn. During a change in shift at the security desk, however, the perp sprung into action, using the time when the guards were distracted to jump the turnstile and take the elevator to an unknown floor. While nobody realized what had happened until much later, through surveillance video of the incident, the man was seen wandering around three different floors, casing the joint, until he settled on plundering the 12th floor for goodies. He was seen getting away with a $2,000 MacBook, a $700 iPhone 6s, a $200 Apple watch, and a $200 iPad Mini.
PETIT LARCENY: Mr. Clean or dirty crook? | After a run-in with the law at a Gristedes (307 W. 26th St., at Eighth Ave.) on Wed., July 6, no amount of scrubbing will ever get out the stain on this clean-freak criminal’s record. At about 5:15pm that evening, the grocery store’s loss prevention officer witnessed the 47-year-old man remove a number of supplies from a shelf, and then attempt to leave. The man’s $67 haul included: Clorox drain cleaner; Clorox bleach; two counts each of Ajax, mildew remover, and glue traps; a container of Raid Smart Batch; and a container of Raid Max. Unfortunately for the man, he was arrested — but as a silver lining, jail was probably much cleaner than whatever catastrophic mess was awaiting him back home.
ASSAULT: Curiosity punched the cat in the face | On Wed., July 6, one woman painfully realized the truth to the adage “you shouldn’t ask questions don’t want to hear the answer to.” It was about 11am that morning, and the 34-year-old was walking near the northeast corner of Dyer Ave. and W. 42nd St., when she saw an unknown suspect attack two individuals. Her interest piqued, she asked the man why he’d attacked the other two. His response was concise: He punched her in the face and mouth, and then fled. The woman was taken to the hospital, while the other victims were not at the scene of the crime when police arrived; a canvas yielded negative results.
GRAND LARCENY: Ménage a theft | While it’s not an uncommon occurrence to hear of someone getting their wallet stolen after a tipsy one-night stand, one man was in for a far bigger loss when he tried to spend the night with a trio of new acquaintances. On Sat., July 9, the 39-year-old had met three men (previously strangers), and warmed up to them at the bar. They got so chummy that at around 9:30pm, they all decided to head back to his place on the 500 block of W. 37th St. (btw. 10th & 11th Aves.). The victim reported that he was indeed very intoxicated, and passed out while the strangers were still in his apartment. Upon waking up he discovered that his three newfound besties were nowhere to be found — and neither were two $3,000 MacBook Pros, a $1,000 iPhone 6s, three debit cards, and his passport.
ASSAULT: H2Oh No | On Fri., July 8, a pair of corrosive criminals decided that it was far more efficient to throw venom than to spit it. At about 10pm, a 40-year-old Queens woman was walking back to the train station, and reached the northwest corner of 12th Ave. and W. 26th St. — at which point two unknown females started throwing an unknown liquid on her back as she went by. Assuming it was only water, and treating it as a minor annoyance, the woman boarded her train. A short while into the ride, however, she felt her lower back and face start burning. She went to Elmhurst Hospital, where the doctor informed her that she was actually suffering from chemical burns. No arrests have been made, though video at the scene of the incident could help catch the culprits.
—SEAN EGAN
THE 10th PRECINCT: Located at 230 W. 20th St. (btw. Seventh & Eighth Aves.). Commander: Capt. Paul Lanot. Main number: 212-741-8211. Community Affairs: 212-741-8226. Crime Prevention: 212-741-8226. Domestic Violence: 212-741-8216. Youth Officer: 212-741-8211. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-924-3377. Detective Squad: 212-741-8245. The Community Council meets on the last Wed. of the month, 7pm, at the 10th Precinct or other locations to be announced. They are on hiatus until Sept. 28.
THE 13th PRECINCT: Located at 230 E. 21st St. (btw. Second & Third Aves.). Deputy Inspector: Brendan Timony. Call 212-477-7411. Community Affairs: 212-477-7427. Crime Prevention: 212-477-7427. Domestic Violence: 212-477-3863. Youth Officer: 212-477-7411. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-477-4380. Detective Squad: 212-477-7444. The Community Council meets on the third Tues. of the month, 6:30pm, at the 13th Precinct. They are on hiatus until Sept. 20.
CASH FOR GUNS | $100 cash will be given (no questions asked) for each handgun, assault weapon or sawed-off shotgun, up to a maximum payment of $300. Guns are accepted at any Police Precinct, PSA or Transit District.
