My ‘dream’ interview with Kellyanne Conway

I scored an exclusive interview with Kellyanne Conway, adviser to President Donald Trump. OK, it might have been a Conway impersonator, but she sure sounded like her. It went like this:

MV: Why does the president insist there was widespread voter fraud when there is no evidence of it? And that he won the Electoral College vote by the biggest margin since Reagan, when that’s not true?

KC: It’s ridiculous to say the popular vote is more important than the Electoral College vote.

MV: Huh? I didn’t say that. I’m not questioning the Electoral College results.

KC: Some people are.

MV: I’m not. Why don’t you answer my question?

KC: Why don’t you answer mine?

MV: OK, let’s move on.

KC: MoveOn is a left-wing, Trump-hating group. Why do you promote it?

MV: I just said, “Let’s move on.”

KC: Exactly.

MV: Fine, let’s proceed. When you said, “Go buy Ivanka’s stuff” after Nordstrom dropped Ivanka Trump’s line, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer said you were being “counseled.” Did you mind that, and is there bad blood between you and Spicer?

KC: Absolutely not! More fake news. We get along great. And I get very angry when people like you say that he’s a crackhead.

MV: I never said Spicer was a crackhead.

KC: Did you say he wasn’t?

MV: What? No!

MV: Let’s move — uh, proceed. Why does the president keep bashing the media? Sen. John McCain says a free press is vital.

KC: Fake news.

MV: It’s not! Every president is questioned — that’s part of the deal.

KC: You mean “Art of the Deal.” Go out and buy it!

MV: Last question: After repeated probes into Benghazi, isn’t one called for about Russian interference in our election process?

KC: I didn’t say that.

MV: I know you didn’t. I’m asking you.

KC: Why don’t you ask me about Hillary’s emails?

MV: Because Clinton’s not the president. She lost. You won.

KC: Aha! Say it again! Who won?

MV: You guys did.

KC: By the biggest margin in history!

MV: Thanks Kellyanne. I’m going to take a nap.

Playwright Mike Vogel blogs at newyorkgritty.net.