Welcome to the couch potato revolution

Are you tired of people telling you to stop stuffing your face with junk food, get your butt off the couch and exercise? Me, too.

Do you know who will never scold us for that? President Donald Trump.

A new book by his former campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, and former deputy campaign manager, David Bossie, reports a typical McDonald’s meal for Trump is “two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fish and a chocolate malted.” Of course, Trump doesn’t eat such calorie-laden, artery-clogging meals every day. Some days he balances his diet with pizza or buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken, according to the authors.

And if Trump can do it, why can’t you? The elitists think they’re so superior with their locally grown tomatoes and regular exercise regimens. Thank God we finally have a president who doesn’t shame us for sitting in front of the boob tube all day and shoveling crap down our throats. Who needs Michelle Obama’s vegetable garden?

Trump is proud of the fact that he rarely exercises. “Other than golf, he considers exercise misguided, arguing that a person, like a battery, is born with a finite amount of energy,” according to The New Yorker. Sounds like sane thinking to me!

Yet some still seem baffled how President Hamburglar won the election. Don’t they get that the most overindulgent, obese nation on Earth would elect someone with whom they can identify? We real Americans don’t appreciate people telling us to control ourselves and our big mouths, whether that involves stuffing it with junk food or spewing nasty remarks.

By the way, libtards, who asked you to serve my kids healthy foods in school? I don’t need svelte, know-it-all kids calling me a bigoted tub of lard. When I shovel fast food down their gullets, I’m giving them a little taste of freedom.

While we’re on the subject, why are calorie counts listed on the walls of fast-food joints? If I wanted to count calories, I wouldn’t be at Wendy’s!

The United States is No. 1 (in obesity), and we’re going to eat whatever junk we want, sit on the couch all day watching TV if we please, and say whatever crap comes to our minds.

So deal with it, losers! And pass the KFC.

Playwright Mike Vogel blogs at newyorkgritty.net.