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Golden Probe Awards, with Margaret Cho and Stormy Daniels, to spotlight politicians ‘trying to screw you’

Lady Parts Justice’s satirical show on Oct. 20 aims to out the leaders who won’t protect women’s rights.

The Golden Probe Awards sarcastically reward politicians for

The Golden Probe Awards sarcastically reward politicians for being awful at protecting women's rights. Photo Credit: Getty Images for Lady Parts Justice / JP Yim

The Golden Probe Awards are back with song and dance to shine a light on politicians who are “trying to screw you” this election season.

Lady Parts Justice’s satirical awards show is bringing on Stormy Daniels and comedians Margaret Cho, Kathy Najimy, Michelle Buteau and Mike “Hot-Pence” among others to perform and present “awards” to politicians who are acting against women’s reproductive rights — and just in time for the midterm elections.

Categories include “Best Acting Like You Care About Women in a Non-Supportive Role,” “Best Original Science,” “Best Adaptation of Reality,” “Outstanding Writing in Sharpie, Hobby Lobby Supplies, and/or Microsoft Paint,” “Outstanding Underperformance by a Politician in a Leading Role,” “Best Performance in an Unscripted Digital Short” and “Legislature of the Year.”

The scathing and sarcastic show, which yes, will have a red carpet, will feature five musical numbers to “explain how s----y” state legislatures are and pinpoint which politicians are making it especially hard to be a woman, according to Lady Parts Founder Lizz Winstead.

“There have truly been so many outstanding performances this year,” she said playfully. “Just being nominated makes everyone a winner.”

Comedian Michelle Bateau said the last show in 2016 was “snappy” and “classy” and expects no less this year, especially given the times.

“I was taking a nap when Obama was president and when I woke up it’s like ‘Who is this scary babysitter?,’ ” she said. “I don’t understand why [reproductive rights and women’s rights] has to become such a weird conversation and debate, why we have to talk people into having equal rights across the damn board.”

She said the show will feel like group therapy because “there’s not enough waterproof mascara to get through this administration.”

Winstead said the timing of the show is calculated to be right before the midterm elections because she and Lady Parts Justice want people to see the “people on your ballot who are trying to screw you over.”

And that includes across the country. The show will be broadcast to groups having their own viewing parties so that the information is spread farther than New York City.

“It’s happening in more than half the states, but not all the states because we can’t afford to have the show go on for five hours,” Winstead said.

There’s no doubt that people love awards shows — the Golden Globes this year had 19 million viewers — so it made sense to put it in this context, Winstead said.

“They say you catch more flies with honey, so we use pageantry” she said. “Watching it through a fun lens, you’ll realize how relentless some politicians are on reproductive rights and just how creepy they are. There’s nothing more boring than local politics but we’re spicing it up with an awards show.”

Fueled by her own experience with an abortion and her passion for equal rights, Winstead started Lady Parts Justice in 2012 to help spread awareness and advocate for women. In 2016, the organization held the first Golden Probe Awards with Oklahoma taking home “Legislature of the Year,” meaning it is the worst of the states that were judged.

With about 12 abortions per 1,000 women in the U.S., according to the CDC, the protection of reproductive rights should concern everyone, Winstead said.

“This directly affects how somebody’s path to self-determination and economic freedom will go and they call it a women’s issue,” she said. “I feel like more people are interested in politics more than ever . . . but they don’t center on reproductive rights.”

Stormy Daniels is unapologetically a woman exercising her rights, which is why she’s on the show this year, Winstead said.

“It is super important and to make the show funny and smart and to have people there who have been subjected to a lot of B.S., especially on the entertainment rung like Stormy Daniels,” Winstead said. “What she does for a living, her autonomy, who she is as a person and how she does her job has been at stake and her voice is changing all that. It’s super important to have representation in this show of those who are saying, ‘I give zero f----; you can’t hurt me; I’m going to stand up for who I am and who’s with me?’”

Tickets for the Golden Probe Awards at Town Hall on Oct. 20 are $32-$252 and can be found at ticketmaster.com.

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