P.C. carols could bring really silent nights

What’s being done to traditional holiday tunes.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful — but not as frightful as what’s being done to traditional holiday tunes.

A Minnesota couple has rewritten the classic song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” to fit 21st century sensitivities, according to CNN.

Josiah Lemanski and his girlfriend, Lydia Liza, have changed the original call-and-response duet, which begins, “I really can’t stay/Baby it’s cold outside,” to “I really can’t stay/Baby I’m fine with that.”

Are you fine with that?

“I’ve always had a big problem with the song,” Lemanski told CNN. “It’s so aggressive and inappropriate.”

Sorry, Josiah and Lydia, but the song is not about consent, let alone date rape. It’s about a couple in conservative 1944 America. Although she plays it coy, they clearly both want to hang out together. And no, the guy is not Bill Cosby.

But the two Minnesotans are steadfast that the lyrics are offensive and must be cleansed. You know who agrees with them? Sayyid Qutb of the Muslim Brotherhood. In his book “The America I Have Seen,” he described with disgust the “arms circling waists, lips meeting lips” he observed when the song was played at a Colorado church dance he attended.

Other seasonal tunes that supposedly “will add a dash of sexism to your holidays,” according to The Huffington Post, include The Weather Girls’ “Dear Santa,” which includes the terribly offensive line, “I need a man this Christmas.” OMG! Huffington huffs, “Let it be known that women don’t need a man at Christmas to truly shine!” Give me a break.

If the PC crowd gets so worked up over Christmas songs that are at the very least open to interpretation, what will it do on Valentine’s Day with that sexist ditty “My Funny Valentine?”

Written by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart, the song’s lyrics range from the general insult (“Your looks are laughable, unphotographable”) to the specific (“Is your figure less than Greek? Is your mouth a little weak?”). BTW, lyricist Hart stood under 5 foot and was rather chunky. How dare he write such insulting lyrics!

So let’s update the song for him: “Oh your figure’s fine with me, ’cause your mouth is so PC.”

You’re welcome!

Mike Vogel blogs at NewYorkGritty.net

Mike Vogel